Negotiation Traps: How to Avoid Them and Win All Your Negotiations – Frédéric Bonneton

Errors, Faults, and Traps: Three Levels of Risk

Frédéric distinguished three blocks:

• errors (lack of preparation, avoidable blunders if one prepares);
• faults (repeated inappropriate behaviors, due to lack of negotiation training);
• traps — either set by the other party (psychological, protocol), or self-imposed (psychological processes that derail us).

Example: staying for half an hour in an overheated room without water facing a buyer; studies show that a significant portion of salespeople no longer dare to open with the planned price.

The 3 P’s Model: Problem 10%, Process 40%, People 50%

The impact on negotiation success is distributed as follows: people and interactions, 50%; method (roles, strategy, process), 40%; content (the subject of the negotiation), 10%. However, most people primarily prepare the content. “You spend 90% of your time preparing for what has 10% impact” — hence the importance of preparing strategy and interactions (psychology, biases, framing). When the relationship deteriorates (tight market, new interlocutor), we lose the 50% relational aspect; without methodological training, we also lose the 40%, leaving only the 10% on which we will concede.

Emotions: Decision Driver and Influence Lever

Decisions are made at an unconscious level then post-rationalized. Emotion drives decision; rationality can block it. The skill of influence involves bypassing critical thinking to impact emotion. In negotiation, one must control one’s own emotions and impact those of the other to move them forward.

The good relations bias: wanting to be liked, protecting the relationship at the expense of the result, is one of the most frequent traps. We move from the need for social acceptance to a form of submission, and we negotiate poorly.

Preparation: Objectives, Team, Framing

Mistaking the objective is a major trap: increasing the price by 50% is not the same as stopping losing money with a client — the second framing opens up many more solutions. During negotiation, one can lose sight of their objective (revenge, punishment, preserving the relationship); hence the importance of objective sheets and the role of the drafter (the one who takes notes and refocuses the process).

The team composition should prioritize people capable of working together (interpersonal skills) as much as technical skills.

Also prepare the framing (identity, metaprograms): enter the other’s frame of reference to be heard before moving towards your results.

Conduct: Confrontation vs. Conflict, Paradoxical Agreement, Debrief

Confrontation is at the heart of good negotiation and leads to consensus (common value creation); conflict leads to compromise (frustration on both sides). In case of disagreement, the paradoxical agreement — “we agree to disagree” — allows the relationship to continue and to reschedule.

Parallel negotiations (a president bypassing the negotiator): one must negotiate their mandate upstream and clarify who holds the mandate until the end. After the negotiation, debriefing is essential — even in case of success — to understand why it worked, capitalize, and preserve the team. Documenting everything (concession log) prevents forgetting what has already been conceded at the end of the negotiation.

In a nutshell…

• The 3P model: prepare strategy (40%) and interactions (50%), not just content (10%).
• Emotions: decision driver; control your own, impact those of others; beware of the “good relations” bias.
• Objectives and team: frame the objective well; a team that works together; drafter and objective sheets.
• Confrontation, mandate, debrief: aim for consensus; negotiate your mandate; conduct a debrief and document concessions.

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